Pumpkin Spice Kale Chips?




Brach’s brunch flavored candy corn

Ah, fall—the season of fuzzy blankets, crunchy leaves, and an eclectic, seasonal menu. From apple cider donuts to hot maple toddies, autumn is a whirlwind of palate-pleasing creations that are sure to leave your kitchen smelling like a hay ride through a pumpkin patch. Some fall treats, though, don’t quite live up to expectations. Let’s review some of fall’s more eccentric treats.

 

First up on the docket: the (annoyingly) ubiquitous pumpkin spice flavoring. This fall favorite is found in classics such as lattes, mochas, and more “exotic” combinations such as biscotti, eggnog, candy corn, chocolate, and more.

In its more traditional forms, like coffees, pumpkin spice can be a flavorful, hearty change to the year’s culinary routine. An aromatic blend of ginger, noutmeg, cinnamon, allspice and cloves, PS has found its weaseled its way into numerous areas of the fall menu. Deliciousness digresses into disgust, though, as one descends further into the abyss that is the pumpkin spice repertoire.

The line of acceptability starts to blur with pumpkin spice truffles, cereals, and yogurts. It is completely obliterated with revolting inventions like pumpkin spice kale and potato chips. (Trust me—they look, smell, and taste as disgusting as they sound.)



Sprouts Pumpkin Spice Organic Kale Chips

These perversions of a classic flavor have no place in our autumn cookbook.

Next up on the docket: candy corn. This seasonal staple is a childhood favorite and a halloween classic. Its position atop the hierarchy of autumn treats is challenged, though, by strange—and flat out gross—twists on its traditional flavors.

Two flavors that fill these slots are brunch and (yes, again) pumpkin spice.

Brach’s brunch flavored candy corn includes three flavors: french toast and maple syrup, waffle and strawberry, and chocolate chip pancake. Sounds good, right? Wrong.

The french toast is sickeningly sweet and revolting reminiscent of sugar-free syrup, and let’s be honest, syrup shouldn’t be sugar free. The waffles and strawberry is a little better, with at least a whisper of tart fruitiness, yet is still rather underwhelming. The chocolate chip pancake, which I had hoped would be the saving grace of the bag, is lackluster and disappointing.

As far as the pumpkin spice candy corn is concerned… a simple “no” will suffice. It’s overpowering spice and waxy texture combine for a candle—not candy—taste. We can just go ahead and lump it in with the kale chips in the trash bin of pumpkin spice perversions.

Overall, the fall menu can be a delicious, hearty symphony of flavor. But I think we’re becoming a bit too liberal with our palate. Let’s stick to the classics, shall we? For this, at least.

Matt Pugh-Senior